Screamingscars

My soul is heavy, I engage the levy, To keep the emotions at bay, I miss you, I miss you today. I see you every day, every day is not enough, because I need to feel your touch, love, hear you breathe, embrace your hug. I miss you in every way. You say you are here, but motives aren't clear, You say you're in every rainbow, Sunset and bird flight. In my heart; you live, say we'll never part. I need you to stay.

I'm lost. Geographically, I'm here, But my head is in the clouds; my heart is in the mud; my thoughts are in the dark; my stomache has dropped. My body is scattered everytime I finally grab hold of one, another slips out of reach. The doctor says I'm healthy but I know I'm sick. I'm sick of having no control I want to be in charge. But in reality, I'm just in denial. I will deny to you, you, you me, me, me and anyone, everyone who will take the time to listen. I'm drowning in this water, this water of denial, and honestly I'd rather drown, than breathe in reality. Reality is not an opton, to the point of thi

Untitled.... Tell me you'll leave tell me you'll go away. just leave. i don't fucking want you to stay. the pain the heartache ain't worth the fight. My heart is darker than even the blackest of nights. I'm done crying done caring. Done wishing that you would love me. i don't love you. your nothing to me. can't you fucking understand?? you the worst mom there could be. sure you don't do drugs... and you hardly ever hit me. but you kill me you kill me emotionally. i'm done. these bruises no more... nothing matters because i'm walking out that fucking door. *~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* that's it....i don't need yo

Here's to the lovely Current mood:  thoughtful Here's to the lovely. The lovely people who leave me there to bleed. The lovely people you could care less what i need. The lovely people who tear open my heart. Who don't believe in me. You can't stand to be a moment apart from me because then you can't watch me, judge me, torment me. You don't even listen when i plea Plea for you to leave To dissapear Like you do when i need you Just leave me here To bleed and rot Just leave me here Without even a second thought.

A lifeless body lying on the floor silences all who know. Everybody waiting, watching. Finally the silence is broken, "somebody call 911" People frantically search through purses and pockets and dial for help. finally somebody got through. By that time, tears stained my cheeks for what seemed like hours whilst people huddle around the shaking body. I'm sitting there wishing so bad I could disappear. In a moment of despair I prayed. So short, yet so meaningful- **Help Gussie, Help Gussie.** My legs pressed tightly to my chest. My eyes locked on her lifeless feet. More time passed before an ambulance finally showed

Dead silence Surrounds me. tears, play follow the leader - down my cheeks. when a man proclaimed "call 911" The tears began to flow. Her feet didn't move I was horrified. As time passed, my lower lip started to trmble Many  minutes went by, before an ambulance came. All the while, my tears still coming. After watching the pale-gaced participant be rolled off the empty court on a gurny, My tears began to flood. oblivious to my surroundings, I didn't notice how cold i was until somebody behind me mentioned the coldness they were feeling. What i felt was nothing campared to what her friends and family felt. Fo

Sitting in the dark isolated from everything. Love, life, happiness wishing for something more. For anything more. I'm tired of being alone. I want to belong. To anything. To find myself and then be that person. To face and overcome obstacles that i will and have gone through. To overcome fear itself. And live a true and happy life. To be really happy is my goal. Though not all dreams come true I swear to you, this one will. i believe. I have hope. I'm bladeless, speechless. Fully stripped of everything i hide behind, Laugh at my faults i could care less. I'm ok. For now I'm  fine It's not to great i may take

She stands there hazel eyes glistening. She runs her hand through her hair each strand flowing, falling back into its original place. Looking untouched so confident, unbreakable. But inside she's broken and abandoned.               Lost. Lost in her own self. Lost the way to her own heart. Look, into her eyes peer into her soul. It's shattered. Fuck my reflection. It's not necessary. It's unimportant, I realize this as my fist smashes into my reflection. I watch the pieces of my reflection cascade to the floor. Blood dripping from my fist. Nobody can see that. The broken me. Cheeks tear-stained, fist bleeding,

My mind falls to the shadows and my body follows. This is a time when my body becomes completely hollow; it quakes and shakes until I loose control over everything. My heart becomes submersed in my black tears. My tear stained cheeks must not be seen. My weakness cannot show. I refuse to let any relationship grow too close that i could get hurt. It's too dangerous to be vulnerable and open. To let my mascara bleed for people to see. My heart becomes submersed in my fervently flowing tears. i scream from the pain and heart-ache from the want and the love I so desperately need but continue to push away. One again, I come up empty. It's my own f

- Overwhelming emotional pain grows inside me. It hurts so bad yet not one tear can i shed. This pain it numbed me so no emotion may i ever show. It hurts so bad yet these tears refuse to fall. so i cut. i slice open a new wound to feel. finally i shed a tear. Not just one but many. crimson tears flowing from my open wound. Beads of crimson appear on my wrist. i wipe them away only for more to follow. I don't know why it has to be like this. don't know why these suppressed feelings have to come out colored crimson. but they do and i have scars to show, how often these crimson tear